The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit

So what was all the fuss over?  Turns out that Focus on the Family Super Bowl ad with Tim Tebow and his mommy didn’t strike quite the confrontational tone the media had speculated (shocker).  But one thing that jumped right out at me is this:

Huh?  Since when did they start handing out Heisman Trophies to family members too?  I bet those two have one of those annoying “joint” email addresses too.  Barf.

When he wanted to put together yet another version of King Crimson in the early 1990s, Robert Fripp reached out to Japan co-founder David Sylvian.  Sylvian passed at the opportunity, but the pair went ahead released a studio album in 1993 anyway.  This is the best cut from that album, “Jean the Birdman”.  It’s a bit goofy, but the song more than makes up for it.

So given that this video was produced in ‘93, how do you think it fared on MTV?

Dear reader, in my travels to bring you reports of local performances by various musical acts, I have encountered some strange people.  But over the weekend I encountered one of the strangest yet – the Brooklyn Hipster.  For those not from the New York area, it’s important to note that Brooklyn is to Hipsters as Mecca is to Muslims or Wal-Mart is to rednecks.  It’s the source of their strength and identity, which in this case means lots of bad haircuts, wool caps, and faux vintage clothing.  They’re harmless for the most part, but damn are they annoying in large groups.

Read on Daddy-O…

In fact, it does not.  At least that’s what I can gather from this teaser trailer for the sequel to Wall Street, subtitled Money Never Sleeps.

Other things I can gather from the trailer:

• Being in Federal Pound-Me-in-the-Ass prison for more than two decades does not slow the aging process.  Poor Michael Douglas.
• For some inexplicable reason, Gordon Gekko brought that giant mobile phone to prison.  I can’t imagine the screenwriters threw that in there for a cheap laugh, right?
• Casting must have taken place during a holiday, which is the only way I can figure Shia LaBeouf being picked as a co-lead.
• Then again, no Daryl Hannah is a step in the right direction.
  

Money Never Sleeps was directed (but not written) by Oliver Stone, so expect an extremely subtle undercurrent of criticism levied against our nation’s vaunted banking industry.  That and smaller cell phones.

Here’s an oldie but a goodie – from 1963, it’s “Mr. Bass Man” by the late Johnny Cymbal.  I dare you to listen to this and not crack a smile.

Told you so.

The Bass Man in question is Ronnie Bright, an R&B/doo-wop singer who was in groups such as the Valentines, the Cadillacs, the Deep River Boys, and the Coasters.  But what I want to know is, is he the mystery man behind this vintage Ajax commercial?

By now you’ve probably seen the ad campaign for Pepsi’s so-called “Throwback” soda.  The main selling point is that it’s made with real sugar, which of course only serves to point out that their usual product is not (it is of course made with high fructose corn syrup, which is evil, but that’s for another time).  (Incidentally, you can also find “Throwback” Mountain Dew and “Heritage” Dr. Pepper for a limited time.)

So PepsiCo now finds itself in the awkward position of trying to sell their limited-edition product by making their flagship product seem less desirable or outright inferior by comparison.  After all, any sane person watching an ad touting Throwback Pepsi as being made with real sugar might ask themselves, “So what’s in the Pepsi I drink now?  And is it any good?”  It’s a bold marketing strategy to be sure, and one not without an element of risk.  And I can’t help but wonder what it be like if other companies adopted this strategy with their products…

• The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Now with funny jokes!
• Windows 7:  Only half as likely as Vista to turn your PC into a doorstop!
• GM:  We feel pretty confident you’ll like our new cars for 60 days.  After that, not so much.
• AT&T Wireless: You can surf the web while you talk on the phone, which will come in handy when you want to see where the nearest Verizon store is.**
• Domino’s Pizza: We were just kidding with that other recipe, this stuff is definitely edible.  Mostly.
• Wal-Mart: Hey, at least we’re not K-Mart.

**This ad campaign, featuring the fat Wilson brother, is currently airing.

There’s no shortage of groups right now trying to resurrect the music of the ’80s, and most of them suck.  Goldfrapp does not suck.  I offer as evidence the first single from their upcoming album, Head First.  It’s called “Rocket”, and it’s a blast of sunshine compared to the relatively cloudy Seventh Tree.

Well too bad, because we’re getting another one.  Feast your eyes on the trailer for Will Forte’s MacGruber, due out in April:

I’m a fan of the recurring “MacGruber” sketches on SNL, but those are 3-minute bites.  I don’t have high hopes for a full-length movie, although it has some things going in its favor.  Forte is one of the funnier current SNL cast members, as is co-star Kristen Wiig.  And hey, good to see Val Kilmer’s still getting work!  Even if he does look more bloated than the national debt.

As a middle-class white male, I know I’m not really in much of a position to bitch about being overlooked or disadvantaged.  Still, I’ll admit feeling a bit like the odd man out when one of my (formerly) favorite fast food establishments, McDonald’s, launched their “I’m Lovin’ It” ad campaign in 2003.  Few things are more transparent and painful than when a business makes an obvious attempt to pander to minorities, because they usually do such a piss poor job.

Oh sure, fast food chains targeting black people is nothing new, so that’s no big deal in and of itself.  But historically for TV ads, it seems the chains had their regular campaigns and then they had their “black” ads, replete with awful R&B-esque music and sad attempts to look hip.  But McDonald’s took it to a whole new level with “I’m Lovin’ It”, which featured a rapping soccer mom in one early spot.  Oh yeah, and this gem, which aired in Russia:

Now that’s commitment to a campaign.

So anyway, as much as I hated – nay, loathed – this lame campaign for years, I can’t help but chuckle at Mickey D’s attempt to show their love for African-Americans on the web.  That’s right, their is a McDonald’s website just for black people – 365BLACK!  It’s the one place on the web, I guess, where black people who don’t want their fast food experience to end with diarrhea can hang out and check out just how much McDonald’s cares about them.  After all:

At McDonald’s^®, we believe that African-American culture and achievement should be celebrated 365 days a year — not just during Black History Month. That’s the idea behind 365Black.com. It’s a place where you can learn more about education, employment, career advancement and entrepreneurship opportunities, and meet real people whose lives have been touched by McDonald’s. Plus, you can also have a chance to win exciting once-in-a-lifetime opportunities. So make sure you visit often — you just might get inspired.

Like the unique African Baobab tree, which nourishes its community with its leaves and fruit, McDonald’s has branched out to the African-American community nourishing it with valuable programs and opportunities.

Hmmm, I wonder if any of those valuable programs and opportunities mention anything about the dangerously high obesity rates for African-Americans in this country?  Nope.  Well at least they probably have regularly scheduled special events to emphasize the special relationship McDonald’s has with the black community.  Oops. It seems like there hasn’t been anything new for black people to celebrate since the Essence Music Festival in July 2009.  I guess in the meantime you could head over to the company’s sites for Asians (Myinspirasian) or Hispanics (MeEncanta).

Thanks for marginalizing me McDonald’s.  So where can I, as a white person, connect with an eating establishment that truly cares about my white needs and white eating preferences?  I think that should be obvious.

You know what’s even more awesome than the fact that Winston cigarettes sponsored a cartoon?  The fact that the main characters, as was the custom for TV shows of the ’50s and early ’60s, appeared in ads actually smoking them.  Behold, an infamous Winston spot from The Flintstones, circa 1960-61:

See, I told you it was awesome.  Even better, and almost lost in the clouds of secondhand smoke, is that little gem of pre-Women’s Lib chauvinism that starts the ad.  As Wilma and Betty toil in the yard, Fred has a brilliant idea – “Let’s go around back where we can’t see ‘em!”  He’s like Don Draper in an animal pelt.

Winston, who also sponsored The Beverly Hillbillies around the same time, pulled its sponsorship from The Flintstones when Wilma became pregnant.  I guess even tobacco companies have to draw the line somewhere.

Oh wait, no they don’t.