Before the salad days when children and teenagers could look to important social outlets like MTV and professional sports for guidance on how to behave, there were educational films. School kids were treated to lectures in the popular “talkie” format that showed them how to behave in every aspect of life. After reading, writing and ‘rithmetic, Little Johnny got to learn the dos and don’ts of important topics such as dating, hygiene, good study habits and, of course, our pal the atom! In retrospect, most of these films appear rather quaint and benign.
And then there’s 1961’s “Boys Beware.”
In just ten minutes, this Sid Davis Production managed to simultaneously entertain and frighten an entire generation of children. And quite honestly, it scares the crap out of me too.
Pretty ominous title screen, n’est ce pas? A little vague, though. Beware of what? Dogs? Cooties? Commies?
Our adventure begins with our narrator, Lt. Williamson, strolling out of the police station and getting into his car. Why this scene took 30 seconds is unknown. I guess I’ll have to wait for the Special Edition DVD with Director’s Commentary to find out.
The Lieutenant spots a group of young hitchhikers thumbing a ride. I’m not familiar with infrastructure of the late ‘50s-early ‘60s, but I’m guessing that those benches would indicate that they are hitchhiking at a bus stop. Interesting. Anyway, this affords Lt. Williamson with the opportunity to tell his first tale of woe…
Jimmy Barnes, obviously not in a state of bewareness.
Young Jimmy Barnes was tired from playing baseball, so opted instead to grab a ride from a stranger. Seems more logical then hitchhiking at a bus stop, I guess. Enter The Stranger.
No Jimmy! Don’t do it!
Jimmy makes it home without incident, despite the creepy Stranger’s attempt to apply the Vulcan Neck Pinch.
Close-up of the mystery man. Looks respectable enough. For a perv, that is.
As promised during their previous encounter, The Stranger is there to pick up Jimmy again, though for some reason he is now driving a car with the steering column on the right-hand side.
The Stranger seeks to buy Jimmy’s affection with tacos.
Whilst enjoying some fine local cuisine, The Stranger tells Jimmy several “off color” jokes. This somehow segues into a trip to the local fishing hole. It is here that we learn the identity of The Stranger – Ralph! I KNEW IT! He just looks like a Ralph, doesn’t he?!
During a break in the fishing action, and while Jimmy is occupied with a sandwich made from leftover taco meat, Ralph (*shudder*) decides to kick things up a notch. Out comes a stack of nudie photos. According to the narrator, “Jimmy knew he shouldn’t be interested, but well, he was curious.”
See, this is backwards thinking. In a perfect world, all children would be issued a stack of pornographic photos as soon as they hit 12. That way, the Jimmy Barneses of the world would never be susceptible to the charms of the Ralphs of the world.
And it is here that the message of “Boys Beware” is driven home with all the subtlety of a punch in the face. In the words of Lt. Williamson: “What Jimmy didn’t know was that Ralph was sick. A sickness that was not visible like smallpox, but no less dangerous and contagious. A sickness of the mind. You see, Ralph was a homosexual, a person who demands an intimate relationship with members of their own sex.”
The above lines were delivered with an almost Rod Serling-esque sense of calm and pacing. No loud, excited tones, just matter-of-fact narration. In other words, a straight face. Not much I can really add here, other than this – This film was shown to children. In the public school system.
Now if this were a horror movie, the audience would now be screaming at Jimmy to run away. But it was too late! The free rides, the tacos, the risqué cards, Ralph’s pornstache…it was all too much for Jimmy to resist. We see through the use of a montage that Ralph has Jimmy caught in his web of sickness.
Jimmy & Ralph bond by shooting small animals.
Ralph admires Jimmy’s backstroke at the local putt-putt.
Luckily for Jimmy, he figured out that Ralph was up to no good right after he opened up a gift registry for them at the local department store. He tells his parents, who quickly report the incident to police. Ralph was arrested and Jimmy was released on probation in the custody of his parents. Apparently consorting with homosexuals was a punishable offense in California back then.
Jimmy is comforted by his parents, who for some reason look very much like his grandparents.
And so ends the first half of “Boys Beware.” All seems well now, but as Lt. Williamson soon warns us…
“But all homosexuals are not passive. Some resort to violence, as in the case of Mike Merritt.”
Part 2 coming soon, if you dare….
