Nevermind that other list the Vatican published last summer - here are the Ten Commandments for anyone getting behind the wheel in my beloved Garden State:
- Thou shalt slam on thy brakes within 1,000 yards of a police car, even if thou art not speeding and the police officer hath already pulled someone else over.
- Thou shalt drive at least 15% faster than the posted speed limit or thou shalt get out of the way.
- Thou shalt forget everything thou learned about driving when the first raindrop hits the road.
- Thou shalt drive as if thou art the only one on the road if thou drivest a limo.
- Thou shalt slow to a crawl to rubberneck when even the most minor fender bender occurs.
- Thou shalt ignore all Merge signs when there is a traffic backup, because getting 20 feet ahead will totally make all the difference.
- If thou art female and under 5′4″, thou shalt drive the largest SUV thou can afford.
- Thou shalt wait until thou art pulled up to the toll booth to start digging for change.
- Thou shalt only drive while using thy cell phone in an emergency. Or a non-emergency.
- Thou shalt use thy brights and fog lights at all times, and ensure that thy regular headlights are improperly aligned.
