We’ve all seen at least one article showing the worst album covers of all-time. But what about the music? Should you judge an album by its horrible cover? Well in this series, we’re going to find out. Today we examine Por Primera Vez by Tino.

He’s lying like that because his shorts have cut off the circulation to his legs.

Ah, Tino. The man, the myth, the impossibly tight shorts. That disturbingly seductive glare, beautifully styled hair, and… well, those impossibly tight shorts all belong to the man born Constantino Fernández Fernández in Barcelona, Spain on March 25, 1967. Tino rose to fame as a member of the Spanish children’s group Parchís (named after the Parcheesi board game). The band scored a few hits in the early ’80s with “En La Armada” (essentially a Spanish version of “In the Navy”) and “Durante la Espera de Parchis” (“During Parchis’ Wait”).

This is Tino, dressed in red, with Parchís in 1981:

Well ain’t they sweet!

As you might expect, a solo career beckoned and Tino left Parchís in 1983, at the age of 16. His first solo album, Por Primera Vez — “For the First Time” — was released in 1983 in all its denim and thigh-baring glory. And as you reward for looking at that cover again, here’s the title track from the album.

“Por Primera Vez” by Tino

I don’t know what the hell he’s singing about, but I gotta say that as early ’80s pop goes this isn’t that bad. Fortunately, Tino opted for more age-appropriate attire in public. Here he is lip-syncing “Por Primera Vez” on Mexican television in ’83.

I haven’t been able to listen to the entire album, but let’s just assume the title cut is the best of the bunch. To help prove my point, here’s two more tracks from Por Primera Vez —  “Rompiste Mi Corazón” (“You Broke My Heart”) and “Todo lo que quiero” (“All I Want”).

See what I mean? So yeah, that cover is atrocious but the songs seem to be pretty respectable. After a few more albums, Tino’s music career was put on hold while he was in the military and he was basically done by the mid ’80s.  Sadly, Tino lost his left arm (or at least part of it) when he was in a car accident. But we’ll always have that album cover.

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