The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit

It’s a momentous day here at GFS HQ – for today this site welcomed it’s 100,000th visitor.  Seems this site is picking up a little bit of steam, since it took two years to reach the 50,000 mark, and in the 14 months since then I’ve doubled that.  But a picture tells a thousand words, so let me show you just how-far reaching this site is by using a graph from Alexa:

OK, maybe it doesn’t look impressive at first glance but consider this – right now my worldwide site ranking (based on a 3-month rolling average) is 1,578,651, which means I’m just 1,478,651 spots away from showing up on that graph.  Boo-yah!

Now I just need Alycia Lane to do something wacky.

(OK, so this is weird.  I had this post in the can, waiting until #100,000 before publishing.  Sure enough, #100K was looking for Alycia Lane pictures.  Sigh.)

The hit counter on this site went into the red today, which can only mean one thing.  Yup, Alycia Lane is at it…again.  When I put up a juicy bikini pic of the disgraced Philadelphia newscaster back in December, I never imagined it would become my most popular post.  In fact, it saddens me a bit.

Today’s news is that Lane is suing her former employer, KYW-TV in Philly, for all manner of (alleged) naughtiness on their part.  I just can’t decide whether she is incredibly unlucky or just batshit crazy.  Either way, for some reason people just have to see pictures of her in a bikini – or less.  So once again, I will give the people what they want:

Wa wa wee wa!  Very nice!

I know my place in the blogosphere (or is it blogiverse?). I get more hits on this site than I thought I would when I started, but I’m not about to compete with YouTube or Wikipedia. But the last few days have been rather busy here, as my average daily visitor count has gone up about 400%. Why the surge? A little digging revealed the source – Philadelphia’s favorite TV newscaster, Alycia Lane, is back in the news. When we last heard from her, she was sending unsolicited bikini photos to a Rich Eisen, who can currently be seen on the NFL Network.

More recently, she was arrested for allegedly assaulting a New York City cop. Most of the stories detailing this latest embarrassment have made mention of the earlier photo faux pas, resulting in a fresh tidal wave of internet searching. Alas, the bikini photos in question are harder to obtain than a Nintendo Wii, forcing many a frustrated searcher to resort to looking for more Japanese tentacle porn instead.

I can certainly sympathize with Lane’s potential paramours, as photos of attractive, scantily clad women are always hard to come by on the ol’ inter-tubes. So here you go guys (and maybe gals – who am I to judge?), I hope it was worth it (picture after the break):

Read on Daddy-O…

Thanks to the handy website tracking tools site/blog owners can install, I am able to track not just how many people visit this blog and when, but how they get here (e.g. search terms). The majority of people coming to this blog via search engines are looking for some variant of “man in gray flannel suit.” Unfortunately they will find neither the book nor the movie here. I do feel bad about tricking people in a way, but then again not so much. What I have to say is much more entertaining anyway.

Aside from that, here are some of the more interesting search terms people have used to get to this blog:

• “christa miller plastic surgery” – OK, so I’m not the only one who is put off by the botched plastic surgery Christa Miller of Scrubs got within the last few years. She’s got this weird thing with her upper lip that I’ve noticed on other famous women, most recently Shannon Tweed. It’s like the doctor accidentally snipped a nerve or something, and they can’t quite close their mouths all the way when the talk. Very odd.
• “suzy shuster pictures” and “alycia lane bikini photos” – Awhile back it was revealed that Suzy Shuster, wife of TV super stud Rich Eisen, had a little fun at the expense of the very desperate Alycia Lane. I guess my big mistake was not including any pictures of Suzy. I didn’t find anything more than a headshot for Suzy, but if you want to take a peek here you go. And for good measure, here’s Alycia. One unique variant search term used was “saucy bikini anger shuster”, which I may make the new name for this site.
• “what is the importance of ‘the man in the gray flannel suit’” – The importance is that it is only the greatest blog in the history of the interweb, duh!
• “gray porn man” – Yeah, not gonna touch that one.
• “rich eisen’s bikini” – See last entry.
• “disney porn” – Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you people? Oh yeah, I forgot.
• “neil peart fan assault” – I’ve heard a lot of urban legends surrounding Neil Peart (the most well-known had him suffering from about 6 different types of cancer), but this is one I’ve not heard.
• “‘view-master’, porn” – I guess this is what kids buy before they’re old enough to start rifling through dad’s hidden Playboy collection.
• “how tall is jesse tyler ferguson” – His imdb page doesn’t say, and I can’t be bothered to look any further. Sorry!
• “neil peart asshole” – Having never met the man, I can’t say for certain if he is. Unless this is another porn search, in which case I hope to never find out.
• “slave to the metal cd” – Ah, memories. This classic metal compliation was reviewed on my old blog all the way back in 2005. I think I’ll go listen to it now.

So I guess the lesson for me is if I want to increase my traffic, I need to start bringing the porn. On the other hand, I couldn’t possibly compete with the major porn sites already out there, so I’ll probably just stick to mildly humorous commentary. And maybe some porn.

As if being the main man at the NFL Network wasn’t enough to pump up Rich Eisen’s ego, now he’s getting unsolicited sexy-time emails and racy pictures sent to him. And no, they’re not from Stuart Scott. Check this out:

FOXY Philadelphia TV reporter Alycia Lane is in hot water after a series of private e-mails and saucy snapshots she sent to handsome NFL Network anchorman Rich Eisen were intercepted by his wife.

Suzy Shuster, a sideline reporter for ABC’s college football broadcasts, hit the roof when she discovered seven e-mails and several bikini photos sent by Lane – who works for CBS affiliate WKYW-TV and is recently divorced – to an account she and her husband, Eisen, share. That had Shuster firing off to Lane a scathing letter, a copy of which was obtained by Page Six.

A seething Shuster wrote: “Boy, do you look amazing in a bikini . . . congrats! Whatever you’re doing, (Pilates? yoga?) keep doing it – it’s working for you. Anyway, sorry but those seven e-mails you sent to my husband, Rich, well, oops, they came to the e-mail address we both use from time to time, but no worries, I’ll forward the beach shots as well as the ones of you dancing with your friends on to his main address. Do you have it?”

She then provides her hubby’s private e-mail, “since you surely are trying so hard to get his attention. I mean, what better way to get a guy’s attention than with skin! Best – Suzy Shuster Eisen”

I love his wife’s response – classic. And I can totally relate to him. I got a few mildly suggestive emails when I first started my current job. Except they were intended for another guy who happened to have the same first and last name as I do.

I have to take issue with one thing, however. I never really checked out Rich Eisen but “handsome” seems like a bit of a stretch. I mean, he’s no Quasimodo, but let’s not go nuts.