The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit

You wouldn’t know it these days, but it is in fact possible to market fast food to black Americans without acting as if they all loved either lame rap or watered down R&B; or as if they all spoke whatever the hip, urban vernacular of the day is (yes, I’m aware of just how painfully white that sentence makes me seem).

And I have the proof right here, in the form of two Burger King print ads from 1976.  There’s no pandering or awkward attempts to integrate black culture here.  Well, perhaps a small one in the first ad (can you spot it?).

Your eye may first be drawn by those groovy fashions, but I immediately took note of the old-school wood decor found in BK establishments of the time.  Sadly, that wooden sign and many like it are either rotting away in landfills or were burned.  The pattern shirts share the same fate, if we’re lucky.

(Image credit: I nabbed these from the aptly named Flickr set, 1970s Era Ads Targeting African American Consumers.)

There is certainly no shortage of awful commercials out there these days.  At best, most television ads are instantly forgettable; at worst, they me diving for my remote like it’s the last slice of pizza.  But I want to focus on the positive today – commercials (or whole campagins) that actually make me stop and watch, and in some cases are more entertaining than the shows they’re interrupting.

The King (Burger King)

I’ve made no secret of my love for all things Kingly.  I know a lot of people are creeped out by the silent protagonist of Burger King’s ad campaigns, who was resurrected in 2003 by the ad firm of Crispin Porter + Bogusky.  Well too bad, because I love him and apparently so do many others.  He’s appeared in multiple campaigns, and was most recently converted to a breakfast-serving robot (King 3000).  He even stars in a trilogy of video games.  Oh yeah, and the man can scramble like nobody’s business:

Oh, and here’s a history lesson for those who still think the current King is too disturbing.  If you can make it through the whole minute you are a stronger person than I.

Read on Daddy-O…

I’ve been known to enjoy one or two of these so-called “fast food” ham-burgers in my lifetime. I know they’re no good for me, and I don’t care. And sure, if something I order isn’t prepared correctly or just not available, I have gotten annoyed. That’s simply because I don’t suffer incompetence lightly.

But the level of betrayal exhibited by the people in Burger King’s new “Whopper Freakout” ad campaign is simultaneously amusing and disturbing. Some customers were confused and mildly upset (Emo kid at the 1:11 mark) by the loss of the Whopper, while some became wistful and nostalgic (goatee dude at 3:18). And when their precious Whopper is secretly replaced with Folgers Crys…ur, another burger, some customers became downright apoplectic (start at 5:30).

The campaign is supposed to prove that the Whopper is America’s favorite burger. Maybe, but you could probably get the same result in a McDonald’s by pulling the Big Mac. Of course, having Ronald McDonald emerge to give you a Big Mac is nightmare fuel, whereas getting served by The King is the coolest thing ever (oh, and that signed photo of The King at the 2:45 mark? My new life’s quest.).

I really hope most people’s priorities are not so out of whack that the loss of a fast food menu item would cause them so much pain (“World hunger? Iraq war? Meh. What, no Whopper?!?! Get the torches and pitchforks!!!!”). I also hope the people shown in the video are simply the most entertaining examples pulled from the day’s footage, and that most customers took the change in stride.

Somehow I doubt it.

There is no shortage of press and academic research covering the topic of so-called Internet Addiction. Of course, the first reaction of any true addict is “not me!” This denial is usually followed by surprise, realization, and then descent into an all-too familiar shame spiral. In the interest of science and self-improvement I’ve spent the last few weeks keeping a meticulous log of my daily activities, in order to better understand just how the Internet fits into my life.

The results, needless to say, confirm that I totally have this thing under control. Just take a look at last Thursday’s log (time spent is total throughout the day, not consecutive):

• 45 minutes spent updating my Wikipedia watchlist to make sure some snot-nosed high school punk hasn’t vandalized one of my favorite articles.
• 1 hour 20 minutes spent participating in and refreshing various message board threads to see if anyone was able to recover from any of my scathingly sarcastic rejoinders. (I totally blew away that one jerk with the picture of the Comic Book Guy saying “Worst post ever!”)
• 15 minutes spent checking to see if my charts on last.fm have been updated.
• 25 minutes spent reviewing my blog traffic figures, and thinking of ways to increase said traffic. (Note to self: More posts about either Harry Potter or porn. Or Harry Potter porn.)
• 50 minutes spent scouring the far reaches of the Internet for anything related to David Hasselhoff, William Shatner, and the Burger King.
• 1 hour spent checking my Yahoo! email account, only to find it full of nothing more than dozens of seemingly legitimate ads for dirt-cheap copies of Photoshop CS3.
• 2 hours spent reliving my childhood by searching for and reviewing material even tangentially related to it (G.I. Joe, Transformers, Garbage Pail Kids, Atari 2600 games, old issues or Thor and The Avengers, Wacky Packages, V, The Karate Kid, etc.).
• 35 minutes spent racking my brain for material for this stupid blog.

So how do you stack up? Of course, I don’t expect anyone to display the incredible level of self-restraint I obviously do, but now at least you have something to shoot for. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go see if there are any new lolcats out there.

Ah, what a glorious day it is today!  And why, you ask?  Because today is the day we mortals celebrate the anniversary of David Hasselhoff’s birth of course!  David Hasselhoff is, as you may already be aware, one of the three most important figures in history – the other two being William Shatner and the Burger King.

So happy birthday and a hearty huzzah to you, you big ol’ talking car-driving, paunch-sucking, no shirt-wearing, surreal music career-having, mediocre TV movie-making, floor cheeseburger-eating lug you!

The Los Angeles (Burger) Kings!

I’ve always considered myself an armchair graphic designer, particularly when it comes to logos. A logo is a really easy and effective way to convey an image about your business/club/whatever. And while I’m all for modern styling, logos are one area where I’m old-fashioned. Too often, companies will update their logo for seemingly no good reason, and it’s usually for the worse. So let’s take a look at a sampling of logos and emblems, both old and new, and see if my stodgy views are justified.

Burger King

The original BK logo was simple, yet effective. A nice, quirky little font and the bun halves got the point across. Not as iconic as the golden arches, but still good:

The font on the logo was made blander in 1994, then five years later BK unveiled a SLAMMIN’ new look:

Yeah, it’s the same basic idea, but what’s the point? For some reason the buns are shiny now (a bit odd). And everything was slanted, a sure way to show that the Whopper is now totally in your face! Oh well, at least they’ve atoned for their unnecessarily slick image with their Creepy King ad campaign.

Winner - Old logo.

Read on Daddy-O…