The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit

I’ll start off by stating that I don’t care that Clay Aiken has finally decided to let us in on the painfully obvious – he’s gay.  I’m offended not by his sexual orientation (I am a huge fan of Queen and Judas Priest after all), but rather by his mediocre and boring music.  But while Aiken’s revelation met with a resounding “meh” from most of the American public, there is a subset of the population – self-titled ClayMates – who have had a hard time keeping the old stiff upper lip, as it were.

Here’s a sampling of dispatches from deep inside ClayNation – The Clayboard forums.  Read and weep, my friends:

“This is a gut wrenching day for The ClayNation. Somebody wake me up, I hope its a dream.” – strollynn63

“I wish him well and hope he gets some peace of mind now BUT I feel he lied to everyone-especially us fans. He should have just said so years ago. I feel like we were “used”. I still love to hear him sing but I also feel he has now become like a Michael Jackson and it’s a bit too weird! He isn’t just the plain ordinary person with the values he first stood for.-but it’s just my opinion.” – NJ4ClayA

“please tell me I’m not the only one who is shocked beyond belief! I feel numb I’m so upset. This can’t be real!! How can you guys say this won’t change anything? This changes EVERYTHING. I don’t even know what to think right now.” – Holmes24

“Okay, i’m going to come right off and say that when I saw it, I did cry. and I probably will if and when it is confirmed. Which will be tomorrow morning hopefully. I’ll probably be late for my first class, because i’ll be surfing the internet in the library. I knew in my heart for awhile that he was-…but my head was having nothing to do with it. I knew it might come eventually, but again my brain denyed it. I’m sure its a shock to all of us, weather we believe it or not. And for all those people who think he lied to all of us, I say whatever. I’m glad he picked now to say this and not a few years ago. He has gathered many fans over the years and im sure that if he had come out before, that there wouldnt be as many.” – MissMuffins31

“I am very very sad.” - RedBay

“I don’t understand how anyone can say that this changes nothing. It’s as simple as this for me: Clay is NOT the person I thought he was. I can’t look at him the same way again and this is killing me. I want SO bad to feel the same about him but right now I just can’t. And the funny thing is I have NO problem with gay people. But it’s just that he lied about it and I can’t forgive him.” – Holmes24 (again)

“I’ve cried a river of tears and truthfully do not know where I stand right now. I am envious of those who can take this news and continue to state their unconditional love and support for Clay. Right now all I can think of is that he is a fantastic entertainer but I took him at his word and it appears that his word isn’t what I thought it was.” – clayncfan

“I have defended Clay for years against these accusations. What do I say now?” – kwiltro

I’ll tell you what you can say, kwiltro.  You stand tall, you look those people right in the eye and you say in your most confident voice, “I LOVE SHITTY MUSIC, YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT!?!?”

From Idolator via the AV Club comes a pretty cool music meme – compile a list of your favorite albums, with one for each year you’ve been alive. Sounds easy enough, but some years are positively stacked with music I love.  Forcing me to choose among my musical children is just so…cruel.

For me the most bountiful years were 1975-1978, 1980, 1982-1984, 1990, 1997, 1999, 2002, 2006, and 2007.

1975 – Kiss, Alive!
1976 – Led Zeppelin, Presence
1977 – Rush, A Farewell to Kings
1978 – Ace Frehley/Kiss, Ace Frehley
1979 – Pink Floyd, The Wall
1980 – Genesis, Duke
1981 – Rush, Moving Pictures
1982 – Rush, Signals
1983 – Iron Maiden, Piece of Mind
1984 – Iron Maiden, Powerslave
1985 – Kiss, Asylum
1986 – Queensrÿche, Rage for Order
1987 – Anthrax, Among the Living
1988 – Queensrÿche, Operation: Mindcrime
1989 – King’s X, Gretchen Goes to Nebraska
1990 – Queensrÿche, Empire
1991 – Queen, Innuendo
1992 – King’s X, King’s X
1993 – Robert Plant, Fate of Nations
1994 – Queensrÿche, Promised Land
1995 – Faith No More, King for a Day… Fool for a Lifetime
1996 – King’s X, Ear Candy
1997 – Hank Jones, Favors
1998 – Pearl Jam, Yield
1999 – Ben Folds Five, The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner
2000 – Doves, Lost Souls
2001 – Spoon, Girls Can Tell
2002 – Koop, Waltz for Koop
2003 – Muse, Absolution
2004 – Mastodon, Leviathan
2005 – The Bad Plus, Suspicious Activity?
2006 – Muse, Black Holes and Revelations
2007 – Field Music, Tones of Town
2008 (so far) – School of Language, Sea from Shore

As I would’ve predicted, there’s some pretty clear trends at play here.  Most of the bands I grew up loving (Kiss, Iron Maiden, Rush, etc.) were at the peak of their powers during my youth, thus their early list dominance.  That also explains why hard rock and metal are heavily represented on this list until the mid 1990s, when they either dropped off my radar entirely or were just not releasing stuff I was all that interested in.  In fact, metal pretty much disappears for good until 2004, when the awesome Leviathan was released.

The other item of note is that I was listening to most of the albums at the front of the list when they came out.  Starting around the mid-’90s, my musical horizons began to expand and I started going back and filling in holes. Were this list to go back a few decades there’d be a ton of Beatles and jazz on it.

I was absolutely fascinated by this cover as a kid and I still think it’s awesome:

What gets me about this is the look on the robot’s face, which says “Oh crap, did I do that?” The blood drop on the finger is also a very nice touch. The only part that doesn’t thrill me is that Brian May (the one with the curly hair and puffy shirt) looks like a bit of a dandy.

As it turns out, interestingly enough, this wasn’t exactly a new painting. The October 1953 issue of Astounding Science Fiction featured the original art by Frank Kelly Freas.

Queen contacted Freas and asked him to adapt his work for their album cover. He agreed, and his updated killer robot appeared when News of the World was released in October 1977.

Each of us has strong ties to movies, shows or music from our youth. All it takes is one scene or one chord to send you back to the days when life seemed simpler and shelves were higher. Growing up in New Jersey, many of these movies were seen in regular rotation on WPIX Channel 11 (before it became one of those crappy WB/UPN/CW networks). Because of this, it was years before I saw the unedited versions of these films. Having also seen most of these movies as an adult, I can verify that some have definitely aged better than others.

Weird Science (1985) – Director/writer John Hughes dialed down the angst a bit, and traded it in for an abundance of cheap laughs – not that there’s anything wrong with that. Michael Anthony Hall (Gary) was on a serious roll by the time this was released, having recently appeared in Vacation, Sixteen Candles, and The Breakfast Club. After this, he moved to Saturday Night Live in what is now regarded as one of the series’ low-water marks. Co-star Ilan Mitchell Smith (Wyatt) was…well let’s just say this was pretty much the high point of his rather brief career. Of course the whole point of the movie is to let teen and pre-teen boys gawk over Kelly LeBrock, and I was only too happy to oblige. But the real star of Weird Science was Bill Paxton as Wyatt’s older brother Chet (“You’re stewed, buttwad!”).

I’m not sure when WPIX started airing this, but I swear I watched it at least 10 times in the mid-to-late 1980s. I’ve watched it a handful of times since, and although it is rather dated it does hold up pretty well – as does most of John Hughes’ work from that period.

Flash Gordon (1980) – I loved this movie then, and I love it now. This was another WPIX staple, and is probably one of the great cult movies of all-time. It flopped upon its release, which I suppose is understandable since it paled in comparison to another fantasy picture released the same year – The Empire Strikes Back. But I really dug the outlandish worlds on display here, especially the ominous cloudscapes. Sure, pretty much the entire cast spends the entire time chewing scenery, but it’s a lot of fun to watch. And the Queen soundtrack is just the icing on the cake.

In yet another sign of the disrespect this movie is treated to, it was released on DVD briefly in the U.S., only to have the title go out of print. Luckily I managed to snag a copy for myself, and like to watch it once a year or so.

Cloak and Dagger (1984) – I remember very little about this movie, other than it co-starred Dabney Coleman and I liked it enough to tape it off HBO and keep it for a few years. At some point I probably realized it wasn’t all that good and threw the tape away.

WarGames (1983) – “Shall we play a game?” This cracked my Top 10 list as a kid, and it’s been there ever since. I didn’t really care about the whole hacker angle, as I was never that into computers. But just the idea of breaking into The Man’s computer and screwing up his day was very appealing. I also really loved the soundtrack, with its swirling vintage 1980s synthesizers. I enjoyed the whole Joshua/Professor Falken storyline, enough that I have used the Falken handle on a number of sites and message boards.

Best parts: Matthew Broderick hot wires a pay phone with a soda can pull tab…dot matrix printers and giant floppy disks galore…Professor Falken’s odd dinosaur home movies…the launch code sequence in the War Room…the skeevy Air Force dude hitting on the secretary…and many more. Oh yeah, Dabney Coleman is here too. And so is Ally Sheedy, one of my first crushes. Best line? Easy – “Goddamit I’d piss on a spark plug if I thought it’d do any good!”

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) – After a series of increasingly pointless sequels killed this promising horror franchise, it’s easy to forget how great the original was. I was never all that scared by it, but got a charge just the same. And before he became nothing more than a burnt Catskills comedian, Freddy Krueger was a legitimately awesome villain. And hey, what’s not to love about a movie that shows Johnny Depp getting swallowed by his bed, only to be replaced by a jet of blood shooting toward the ceiling???

I know some prefer the original Halloween or Friday the 13th, but I think Nightmare is the best of the Big 3 of ’70s/’80s horror movies. It was certainly the best of the dozens of horror movies I watched as a kid. And here’s a bit of trivia for you – the doctor at the sleep clinic Nancy’s mom takes her to was played by Charles Fleischer, better known as the voice of Roger Rabbit. Pppppppppplease Freddy!

As I opined about three weeks ago, joining Last.fm has taken my obsession with music and music statistics to a scary new level. Recently I found yet another way to build on this experience – the Last.fm Mainstream-O-Meter. Using some sort of high-tech algorithms and reverse polarities, this little tool can tell anyone who uploads their information to Last.fm just how mainstream (or not) their listening tastes are.

As the site explains, it draws its numbers based off the 30 most-listened to groups, and how mainstream each of those groups is. I guess the higher the number, the more mainstream you are. Looks like I’m just outside the really meaty part of the curve. One thing I find interesting about this tool is it really shows you what the demographics of Last.fm’s users are. For instance, while The Beatles are predictably high, so too are Muse and Queen. So I guess Last.fm users like their rock bombastic and British?

Some of my favorite acts get no love, sadly – Steve Hackett, King’s X, Steely Dan, and the Jazz Crusaders all ensure that I will always be on the outside of the mainstream looking in. But that’s just fine with me. I am surprised to see XTC so low, as I thought they had a much bigger fanbase even now. I guess not on Last.fm.

So what does all this mean? Well, nothing really. Just more numbers to pore over and come through for hidden significance. Guess I have to go listen to more David Lee Roth, just to ensure I don’t become too hip. Wouldn’t want to lose my indie cred you know.

Here’s the first in a series of entries dedicated to exploring songs from my favorite groups that don’t get a lot of attention. These represent the ten best songs (in no special order) from an act’s catalog that were never released as singles, don’t get radio play, and are typically appreciated only by hardcore fans. Up first is Queen, for no other reason than they showed up on my iPod today.

1. “In the Lap of the Gods” (Sheer Heart Attack, 1974) – What makes this song great is the completely over-the-top opening and some of Queen’s sweetest vocal harmonies ever. Listen to the super-high part – that’s drummer Roger Taylor, a key element of the band’s vocal presentation.
2. “Football Fight” (Flash Gordon, 1980) – Although not fully fleshed out, this is still a gem of a tune. It features a crunching guitar riff and some tasty early-’80s synth lines. And it’s got an undeniable groove.
3. “Action This Day” (Hot Space, 1982) – Although Hot Space is probably Queen’s most vilified album, it really is quite good. It’s one of the more straightforward songs on the record, with a rather insistent beat. The synthesized sax solo is rather dated but still appealing to my ears.
4. “Doing All Right” (Queen, 1973) – This dates to Brian May’s pre-Queen band, Smile. Despite being an early song, it sports a pretty advanced arrangement. Brian May carries the song with some delicate guitar work (acoustic and electric).
5. “The Prophet’s Song” (A Night at the Opera, 1975) – A prime example of the delicious bombast that highlighted Queen’s mid-’70s heyday. The vocal canon (which makes liberal use of tape delays and loops) punctuates the harder and more progressive parts of the song.
6. “My Melancholy Blues” (News of the World, 1977) – A tasteful jazz-inspired song that is unique in the Queen catalog. John Deacon contributes some especially tasty bass work.
7. “You Take My Breath Away” (A Day at the Races, 1976) – This one is all about Freddie Mercury. Gorgeous piano work and a wall of trademark Queen vocals.
8. “Dragon Attack” (The Game, 1980) – This song proves that Queen could not only bring in da noise, they could bring in da funk. Successive solos by Roger Taylor, John Deacon, and Brian May highlight this propulsive jam, and segue beautifully into the next track, “Another One Bites the Dust.”
9. “White Queen (As It Began)” (Queen II, 1974) – Although Freddie was the star of the band, true fans know that it really was a four-man effort. This is an early example of Brian May’s skilled songwriting, and highlights the “White” side of the second queen LP.
10. “All Dead, All Dead” (News of the World, 1977) – Yet another gem from Brian May, this low-key lamentation starts off as a piano-driven ballad and features a wall-of-guitar bridge section.
11. “The March of the Black Queen” (Queen II, 1974) – In retrospect, it’s nearly impossible to listen to this and not hear it as a foretaste of “Bohemian Rhapsody.” Most of the elements of “Rhapsody” are present here, although this is not as polished as the latter.

I never used to think of myself as a music snob, but it turns out I am one. In my defense, however, I’m not your typical music snob. I don’t go out of my way to seek out obscure bands, and then throw a hissy fit if they become popular. Such a thing is happening as I write this. This week the enormous buzz behind the new Arcade Fire actually translated to sales, and Neon Bible debuted at #2 – that sound you hear is thousands of hipsters flagellating themselves.

Read on Daddy-O…