Click on any image to see the full-size version. Or you can go back to the catalog home. Those cats at Sears, Roebuck and Co. are tricky. To look at the cover to their 1969 Fall/Winter catalog, you’d think they were simply going to ignore the prevalent fashion trends that helped make the late ’60s so icky. You’d be wrong. Alright everyone, take a knee. Look, I know it’s been a pretty hairy last few years, but if we all buckle down and just pretend like all that psychedelic crap never happened, we’ll end the decade on a sane note. Ready? Break! That goes for you too, mac. I like the colors. Nice and brown. But can the scarf, I don’t like it one bit. Those are the stiffest-looking shirts I’ve ever laid eyes on. Hey! Hey! I don’t recall approving this at all. C’mon everyone, it’s almost the ’70s, let’s tone it down OK? Ah, now this I like! Neil Sedaka, eat your cardigan-covered heart out! Well I don’t care for the blue but HOLY CRAP – look at the meathooks on that kid! Ah forget it. Hold on to your rods and cones, kids, because here we go! And how about a little heads up, Sears? I almost burned my retinas. At some point, someone in a Sears purchasing meeting brought up the idea of tunic-over-pants hostess sets, and a bunch of heads nodded in silent admiration. Those were dark days, my friends. Enjoy these stylish selections from the Bored Stewardess Collection. Oh, you want another blanket mister? Yeah well I want to make it through one flight without getting my ass grabbed by some drunk middle manager. Life’s full of disappointments. As typefaces go, that one looks sufficiently wooly I suppose. Less clear is why they included a second period. It’s not enough for a proper ellipsis and the element of promise and mystery they were going for, nor is at as declaratory and confident as a simple “WOOL.” would be. WARNING: Sears advises that the use of double-knit acetate may lead to temporary hearing loss and/or drowsiness. Do not operate heavy machinery while wearing these fetching dresses. The ’69 catalog was all over this whole Neatnik concept. I saw the term used on no fewer than a dozen pages. Perhaps Sears finally figured out that selling clothes to slobs wasn’t good for business? Can you see the ’70s coming? Because I sure can! Ahhhh! Do not attempt to adjust the tint on your monitor. The greens you see are real. This is not a drill. As vintage fashion trends went, women dressing like adjunct English professors was one of the stranger ones of the 1960s. Blondes may have more fun, but they also show no mercy. Well this is just perfectly creepy, isn’t it? These things are all over the junior girls nightmare, uh, nightwear pages. I love the look of incredulity on the brunette’s face as she considers that pair of pink thunderpants. In 1969 this was a clever image for a catalog page for stockings. Now it would be the banner image of some weird NSFW fetish website. I’ve always said that the scarf makes the man. And looking at this page, I still believe it. The poor bastard on the bottom hates that sweater so much he can barely hold back the tears. Two observations here. One, yes, the pants are ghastly. But those sweaters would probably work today. Second, whoever inked those shadows did a lousy job. Look at the direction they go in for the two gents on the left, and then look at the shadow for the guy on the right. So here’s an insight into how my brain works. When I saw these pajamas, my first thought was that I would never want to be killed wearing them because the cops who found my body would first have to suppress the urge to giggle. So undignified. Bachelor #2 is looking at some women in a more interesting catalog. Good thing he’s got that snappy blazer on. I’m going to start a Hank Williams tribute group, and I’m going to call my backing band the Ranch Tones. While little Jack’s big brother Tommy was growing his hair long and protesting the Vietnam War, he was stuck looking like he just filmed a cute musical number on The Andy Williams Show. Oh dear. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a dowdy six-year-old before. I’m sure these girls are thrilled to be modeling housecoats from the Lil’ Miss Frumpy collection. I really try to resist the temptation to judge stuff like this. But seriously, who thought that strapping a platform to the back seat of a moving car was a good idea?