If you’ve watched a football game or any programming on Spike TV or G4 over the last few years, chances are you’ve seen this image:

He of course is none other than Smiling Bob (aka Smilin’ Bob), the mascot/pitchman for Enzyte “male enhancement” tablets. What the tablets are supposed to enhance has never been made clear, although the TV ads left little to the imagination. The general theme was that the amount of problems you had in life was inversely proportional to the size of your penis. Despite the dubious and vague claims and utter campiness of their ads, Enzyte became a cash cow. Probably because this country is full of men whose vanity is outstripped only by their gullibility.

Anyone with half a brain could see that the ads were total bullshit. That much was made clear during a recently concluded criminal trial against Steve Warshak – founder of Berkeley Premium Nutraceuticals, the makers of Enzyte – when a former VP of Berkeley admitted as much. “Nutraceuticals,” in case you were wondering, are the 21st century equivalents of snake oil.

The result of that trial was a victory for decency – Warshak is looking at a few decades in the fun house after being convicted of conspiracy to commit mail fraud, bank fraud and money laundering (can Enzyte be used as prison currency?). Anyway, I’m hopeful that the conviction and fines levied against Warshak will spell the end of his operation, which means I can finally watch Ninja Warrior without being assaulted by these ridiculously obnoxious ads.

Besides, everyone knows there’s only room for one Smiling Bob on television:

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