Saturday, July 4
Shadow

Extreme Makeover: Band Edition – Journey

The Problem: How does a band that has been around for more than 30 years and is more than 20 years past its commercial peak stay relevant? Well for Journey, it ain’t easy. Life after Steve Perry has been rough for the group, which is currently without a lead singer. Except for the recent popular buzz generated by the use of “Don’t Stop Believin'” in the series finale of The Sopranos, Journey’s role is now limited playing old hits to a small core of devoted fans.

The Solution: A makeover is just what this group needs to shed its image as washed-up corporate rockers! And that makeover starts with the name, because like it or not, “Journey” is primarily thrown around as an insult outside of fan circles. As in, “Man, after David Lee Roth left Van Halen they turned into Journey”, “You still listen to Journey? *snicker*”, or “Crap, I just stepped in a pile of Journey!#!”

So with that in mind, here’s a few quick ideas to spruce up this veteran rock act’s image and turn them into a whole new band:

  • Lil’ Journee – Gangsta rap may not be the commercial juggernaut it used to be, but it still outsells AOR by a good margin. Of course, simply intentionally misspelling your name and adding the ubiquitous “Lil'” prefix is not a guarantee of success. For instant street cred, the second part of this makeover calls for the band to escalate their public beef with Steve Perry and maybe send Neal Schon to pop a cap in his ass at a crowded club.
  • Kidz Journey – I still have no idea why a merciful God allows shit like Kidz Bop to exist, but since it does the band might as well gain from it. And hey, finding a new lead singer becomes a lot easier when you can just cycle through a series of tuneless 10-year-olds.
  • We Call This a Journey! – Because nothing says indie cred like an unnecessarily long name and an inappropriate punctuation mark.
  • Journey 42 – Co-opting the trend of combining a regular band name with a random number may be a bit out of date, but it’s worth a shot.