I can certainly appreciate the audiophile mentality. Paying top dollar for good musical equipment is not wasted money in my opinion. Usually. And then there’s the Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable, modestly priced at $500.

You heard that right, $500 for a 59-inch copper cable. Let that sink in for a minute. And then check out some of the product reviews on Amazon.com. Here’s a few of my favorites:

This Cable Improved my Health!

Thank you Denon. I suffer from a rare R/F allergy which makes it nearly impossible for me to leave my lead lined sarcophagus (unless there is a power outage). Generally i can only listen to music on an accoustic gramaphone and hence my library consists entirely of John Phillips Suza. That all changed when i got the Denon AKDL1 dream maker. No random photons here! I’ve integrated the cable into a bucket i’ve lined with tinfoil and now my library has already expanded to include Count Basie and Sir-Mix-Alot. Life is once again worth living.

Use at your own risk!

I installed one of these cables between my gigabit ethernet switch and my Canon Pixma 6700 color printer. I know it’s not a sanctioned use, but I was looking for the ultimate in speed and fidelity. I’m freaky that way.

The first time I downloaded a picture to the printer over this cable, the bits moved so fast the printer collapsed into a naked singularity, right there in my office.

Since then, I can’t find the cat, and my entire set of VAX/VMS 4.7 documentation (DEC Will Rise Again!) (Mmmmm, orangey!) has gone missing.

Please, for the love of God, please, do not use these cables. The very existence of earth may hinge on you!

Give it time…

All of you skeptics out there have obviously overlooked the most important feature of all – the “anti-aging properties”! YOU can buy $5 cables if you want to, but YOU’LL BE DEAD IN 100 YEARS! Meanwhile I, vitalized by my Denon AKDL1s (I think I’ll buy 2, just in case), will be dancing on your graves 500 years from now. Unless I have something better to do.

P. de Leon

Looking for Freedom Has Never Sounded Better

I was drinking a hot cup of Hoffee when this cable finally came in the mail. It is so revolutionary, the when the mailman pressed the doorbell, it shattered all the windows in my home, similar to the sonic boom created by the Olson twins’ bizjet flying Lance Armstrong to New York. I delicately placed the sanctified spaghetti string between my 1995 IBM Aptiva Pentium w/MMX technology (makes the media player visualizer so much more intense) computer and my 2.5 watt 7.2 Klipsch speaker setup wired around the doghouse. I have never heard sleep-depriving white noise played so accurately, or with such attitude, continuously. It’s almost as if pieces of the ethereal Ethernet cable are being pumped through the speaker cones, as if Klipsch and Denon secretly collaborated to design a speaker/cable setup that actually throws gold particles at my eardrums, and those of my beloved but sleep-deprived puppies. I am almost 100% sure this cable was used in David Hasselhoff’s Looking for Freedom concert atop the Berlin Wall, the very same show that ended communism in Europe. While listening to the Hoffenschosh’s albums, I noted that Hot Shot City is particulary good.