Maybe you could buy an iPhone…

David Hasselhoff CD or an iPhone?

Decisions, decisions...

…but then again, no. I mean it’s cool and all, but for the amount of money ($499 for the cheaper model) you’d spend on it you could get the following goodness instead:

  • 1 Maytag 3.2-cubic foot, top-loading washing machine. Now you can stop hanging out at the laundromat, unless you’re actually into it.
  • 2.94 sets of the complete run of The Twilight Zone on DVD. The good one, not the ’80s revival or the crappy one with Forest Whitaker.
  • 3.81 bags of 2007 Kennedy half-dollars, 200 coins each. Don’t spend them all in one place.
  • 4.99 sets of the Lil Jon Pimp Cup Combo. Of course you’ll want to splurge and get the full fifth set.
  • 33.29 “Dramatic Chipmunk” t-shirts. Actually, it’s a prairie dog but whatever. Get yours now and be relevant for the next 2 weeks!
  • 41.65 brand-new copies of The Very Best of David Hasselhoff on CD. Floor cheeseburgers not included.
  • 100.8 2-oz. packages of Divine Bovine beef jerky. Save a pull for me!
  • 166.89 packs of Yu-Gi-Oh “Strike of Neos” cards. I have no idea what the hell Yu-Gi-Oh is, but apparently the kids are into it.
  • 250.75 1-lb. bags of Birds Eye Sweet Garden Peas, priced at my local ShopRite (frozen, not currently on sale). Nutritious and cold!

And so on…