Monday cheeriness

Starting today, you all have my permission to kick the shins of the following people:

  • Drivers at the front of the line who dawdle when the light turns green, then attempt to overcompensate by speeding.
  • Anyone who does a slow clap after hearing an amusing/entertaining anecdote in public, as if to signal everyone around them that they just missed out on a super awesome story.
  • People who feel compelled to post some variant of “First!” to start a message board comment thread.
  • Fast food workers who can’t grasp the idea that “no onions” does not really mean “as many onions as possible.”
  • Geniuses at the grocery store who bring 20+ items to the express self-checkout areas and justify it by saying that 10 identical cans of beans really are one item.


  1. Oh, that last one about express checkout…. that one gets me every time.

    I have 3 items, you have a full cart… GO TO THE REGULAR F’N CHECKOUT FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY

  2. I wish the guy this morning tried overcompensating. Instead he continued to drive slowly and swerve all over the road as he unwrapped something and made a phone call while pretending to drive.

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