Queer Eye for the Dead Guy

In an effort to make the drab five-dollar bill more appealing (and to combat counterfeiters I suppose), it seems poor ol’ Abe Lincoln has been given the metrosexual makeover he so desperately needed.

Pretty five dollar bill, y'all

“Ooooh, look at you Mr. Stone Face! ‘Grrrr, I’m the president and I freed the slaves! Hey, who are you and how did you get in my private booth?!’ Kidding! So listen, just because you’ve been dead for almost 150 years doesn’t mean you can’t look fab-u-lous! Hmmm, let’s see here. Any chance of loosening up that collar? Maybe a polo shirt? No? Oh well. You know, green really isn’t ‘in’ anymore, but I guess we can’t buck tradition too much. So let’s have some fun, and add some…purple! Oh, that’s hot. While we’re at it, any chance of getting some product in that hair? It’s just not working for me.”

7 Comments

  • Chris

    Well technically those are the “old” Eagles jerseys. I figure they messed with the Lions’ rods and cones, thus McNabb’s big day.

  • “If you planned to print up a batch of counterfeit money, you wouldn’t print triangular bills on orange paper with a picture of Bob Hope on the front.”

    ~ Donald Heath (1960)

    The context of Mr. Heath’s observation was the strategy of American religious cults. Yet for over four decades, I have thought about his insight within its symbolic context: counterfeiting. The more I have thought about it, the more I am convinced that it needs a modifying clause: “in the first year of your counterfeiting operation.”

    A truly serious counterfeiting operation would in fact plan to do something very similar to what Mr. Heath said a counterfeiter would not do – just not in a single step. The goal of a serious counterfeiting operation would be to persuade the public to use its money rather than the official bills it originally copied when it designed its original fake plates. Its goal would be the replacement of the original official bills with its own bills, making them official in the eyes of the public.

    The context of Mr. Heath’s observation was the strategy of American religious cults. Yet for over four decades, I have thought about his insight within its symbolic context: counterfeiting. The more I have thought about it, the more I am convinced that it needs a modifying clause: “in the first year of your counterfeiting operation.”

    A truly serious counterfeiting operation would in fact plan to do something very similar to what Mr. Heath said a counterfeiter would not do – just not in a single step. The goal of a serious counterfeiting operation would be to persuade the public to use its money rather than the official bills it originally copied when it designed its original fake plates. Its goal would be the replacement of the original official bills with its own bills, making them official in the eyes of the public.
    http://www.lewrockwell.com/north/north550.html

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