Charlie Sheen hasn’t just killed the golden goose with his most recent public rant against Two and a Half Men co-creator Chuck Lorre among others, he’s pissed on its corpse and lit it on fire. CBS has canceled production for the rest of the season, although they have not killed the show outright (damn!). Anyway, I can think of no better song to play right now than “Charlie Sheen” from the King’s X album Please Come Home… Mr. Bulbous, so here it is.

Here are the lyrics, for those scoring at home:

It all works out
It all works out
It all works out
It all works out

I’m waiting for a word beyond our history
And paper tigers dance about within the mystery
Clover of substance I can’t put my finger on
And stepping over sidewalk cracks
I’m catching the last one

The silent waiting room, the padded soundproof wall
Have become much more terrifying
than the shadowed hall
So you can have your reasons for the bloody war
I know I don’t want to hate you for
what you’re not sorry for

Kill the king
Strip the queen
Are you a friend
Dear Charlie Sheen

Roll over Johnny boy
Your song is on the tube
And with it died a dream of mine…
Releasing the balloon
It seems that lately nothing that I ever thought
Can stand up to the pressure of the
crap that I have bought
So turn the page and be sure that you rip it out
‘Cause it won’t be there
otherwise unless we figure out
That there are reasons yet behind this bloody war
And I don’t want to hate you for
what you’re not sorry for

Kill the king Strip the queen
Are you my friend
Dear Charlie Sheen

Oh yeah, here’s the rant in question, from an interview with Alex Jones.

Related articles

• Charlie Sheen rant targets Chuck Lorre (cbsnews.com)
• Charlie Sheen in pictures (telegraph.co.uk)

For those who have not played along before, it’s simple: I pick 10 random tracks, you name the song and the band.  Guess correctly and win nothing.  Well, except a link back to your site if you have one.  (Link juice!)  And no cheating with Google please, there’s enough dishonesty in the world today.

1. “I woke up with my head on the floor / In a windowless cell, a room full of doors / I got lost, now I’m so far behind / Took so much advice, forgot my own mind”
2. “The woman from the supermarket ran to call the cops / He must be high on something, someone said.”
3. “We can move with savage grace / To the rhythms of the night / Cool and remote like dancing girls / In the heat of the beat and the lights”
4. “It was an evening I shared with the sun / To find out where we belong”
5. “I never ask no questions, I never speak my mind / I always found that silence helps to keep me and my kind alive”
6. I can’t stop the way I feel / Things you do don’t seem real”
7. I’ve tried to mend/ The love that ended / Long ago although we still pretend / Our love is surely coming to an end / Don’t waste the time you’ve got to love again”
8. “Hanging out / down the street / The same old thing / we did last week”
9. “It’s cold outside / And the paint’s peeling off of my walls / There’s a man outside / In a long coat, grey hat smoking a cigarette”
10. “Soldier boy kisses girl / Leaves behind a tragic world / But he wont mind / He’s in love and he says love is fine.”

OK kids, I’ll be pretty busy this week so to pass the time I’m going to throw out more lyrics for you.  It’s simple: name the song and the band, and win nothing!  And no cheating please, there’s enough dishonesty in the world today.

1. “In the thirteen months I’ve spent here / with my manuscript and rhymes / I’ve paid in case for foolish pleasures / mother dear you’d call them crimes”

2. “Like a gangster / on the run / you will stagger homeward / to your precious one”

3. “Don’t give us none of your aggravation / We had it with your discipline” – Elton John, “Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting” (via Facebook comment)

4. “Fifteen years in the academy / he was like no cadet they’d ever seen” – Anthrax, “I Am the Law” (Raiden2332)

5. “Don’t be afraid / I didn’t mean to scare you / so help me, Jesus” – Toadies, “Possum Kingdom” (Thom)

6. “Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends / we’re so glad you could attend / Come inside! Come inside!” – Emerson, Lake & Palmer, “Karn Evil 9, 1st Impression Part II” (Mizerychik)

7. “Took my chances on a big jet plane / never let them tell you that they’re all are the same”

8. “Sergeant O’Leary is walkin’ the beat / at night he becomes a bartender” – Billy Joel, “Movin’ Out (Anthony’s Song)” (Mizerychik)

9. “In the night, call you up and wanna know when you’re coming home / don’t deny me, call me back I’m so alone”

10. “I ain’t blind and I don’t like what I think I see”

Words.  Who has time for them, right?  I know I don’t, and you probably don’t either.  So, inspired by Jason Huff’s AutoSummarize project of the 100 most-downloaded copyright-free books, I decided to gather a broader sampling of humanity’s greatest achievements in the form of books, speeches, songs and other works, and run them through Microsoft Word’s ever-handy AutoSummarize feature.  Prepare to expand your mind in 10-sentence fragments.

Moby Dick

by Herman Melville

white whale, shirr! The White Whale, the White Whale!”

“WHAT whale?”

White Whale—no.”

Ship, old ship! The Dying Whale.

The Whale Watch.

Man, man! “The whale! “The whale, the whale!

The Book of Genesis

19 In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.

16 Go forth of the ark, thou, and thy wife, and thy sons, and thy sons’ wives with thee.

1 Now the LORD had said unto Abram, Get thee out of thy country, and from thy kindred, and from thy father’s house, unto a land that I will shew thee:

9 Then Abimelech called Abraham, and said unto him, What hast thou done unto us? 3 Sojourn in this land, and I will be with thee, and will bless thee; for unto thee, and unto thy seed, I will give all these countries, and I will perform the oath which I sware unto Abraham thy father;

come, and I will send thee unto them. 9 Haste ye, and go up to my father, and say unto him, Thus saith thy son Joseph, God hath made me lord of all Egypt: come down unto me, tarry not:

10 And thou shalt dwell in the land of Goshen, and thou shalt be near unto me, thou, and thy children, and thy children’s children, and thy flocks, and thy herds, and all that thou hast:

19 The sons of Rachel Jacob’s wife; Joseph, and Benjamin.

2 Gather yourselves together, and hear, ye sons of Jacob; and hearken unto Israel your father.

Read More

I’m going to steal something that Jess ran on his blog many times – name that tune.  It’s simple: I post a lyric from the next random batch of songs that shows up on my iPod, and you try to guess the song and artist.  If you guess correctly and have a website, you get a free link (otherwise, just your name).  You just can’t buy that kind of publicity.  If this goes well I’ll do it again.  Of course if no one guesses anything I’ll just shitcan the whole idea.  Let’s play!  (and no cheating by looking them up!)

1. “She can move you and improve you with her love and her devotion.  And she’ll thrill you and she’ll chill you, but you’re headed for commotion.” – KISS, ???
2. “Tied to a chair, and the bomb is ticking.  This situation was not of your picking.”
3. “I hang my head and I advertise a soul for sale or rent.  I have no heart, I’m cold inside.  I have no real intent.”
4. “The sheets are gray, left since the day she went away, I lost all power.  The dust is thick, the dog is sick, the kids have picked most of the flowers.”
5. “You ask me why I’m weary, why I can’t speak to you.  You blame me for my silence, say it’s time I changed and grew.”
6. “Your groove I do deeply dig.  No walls, only the bridge.  My supper dish, my succotash wish.” – Deee-Lite, “Groove Is in the Heart” (Thom)
7. “Troubled times, caught between confusion and pain, pain, pain.  Distant eyes, promises we made were in vain, in vain, in vain.” – Journey, “Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)” (mizerychik)
8. “Angels never know it’s time to close the book and gracefully decline.”
9. “Gonna make you, make you, make you notice.” – The Pretenders, “Brass in Pocket” (Thom)
10. “I been bad, I been good.  Dallas, Texas.  Hollywood. I ain’t askin’ for much.” – ZZ Top, “Tush” (xtrev)

(inspired by GraphJam)

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