I don’t have time to go to the movies much any more. So instead I’m going to just review some new and upcoming films based solely on their trailers. Because let’s face it, most movies only have about two or three minutes’ worth of good material anyway.

The Lorax

I’m not familiar with the Dr. Seuss source material for this movie, so I don’t care a whit about whether it deviates from the book or not. What I do care about is whether or not that stupid Polyphonic Spree song gets played in the movie. I hate that friggin’ song and every commercial it infests.

In any case, this looks like a lot of fun. I’m still not 100% sold on CGI animation in movies, but I think the world of Dr. Seuss is particularly suited to this type of visual approach. I can even overlook the inclusion of Zac Efron because Danny DeVito is so awesome. I just don’t know if I can watch Taylor Swift’s character speak without imagining her having Swift’s vacant stare and distracting overbite. Damn, woman, close that mouth already!

A Thousand Words

So help me God, this looks like it could actually be funny. Sure, it’s basically Charades: The Movie, but it could be worse (Pictionary or Pluto Nash 2 anyone?). The setup reminds me of Liar, Liar but the bit with the falling leaves is clever. I don’t know, I’ve been hurt by Eddie Murphy so many times I just don’t know if I have it in me to forgive him at this point. But bless his heart, he seems to be trying.

21 Jump Street

Clutch my pearls, that’s a lot of obscenity! And so few laughs to go with it! Well at least we have Ice Cube yelling and acting all tough. This ought to restore his street cred lickety split. And is that Jonah Hill, or has Johnny Depp gotten shorter and dumber?