Yadda yadda yadda…the end. (or, classics of human thought get the AutoSummarize treatment)

Yadda yadda yadda…the end. (or, classics of human thought get the AutoSummarize treatment)

Words.  Who has time for them, right?  I know I don’t, and you probably don’t either.  So, inspired by Jason Huff’s AutoSummarize project of the 100 most-downloaded copyright-free books, I decided to gather a broader sampling of humanity’s greatest achievements in the form of books, speeches, songs and other works, and run them through Microsoft Word’s ever-handy AutoSummarize feature.  Prepare to expand your mind in 10-sentence fragments.

Moby Dick

by Herman Melville

white whale, shirr! The White Whale, the White Whale!”

“WHAT whale?”

White Whale—no.”

Ship, old ship! The Dying Whale.

The Whale Watch.

Man, man! “The whale! “The whale, the whale!

The Book of Genesis

19 In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.

16 Go forth of the ark, thou, and thy wife, and thy sons, and thy sons’ wives with thee.

1 Now the LORD had said unto Abram, Get thee out of thy country, and from thy kindred, and from thy father’s house, unto a land that I will shew thee:

9 Then Abimelech called Abraham, and said unto him, What hast thou done unto us? 3 Sojourn in this land, and I will be with thee, and will bless thee; for unto thee, and unto thy seed, I will give all these countries, and I will perform the oath which I sware unto Abraham thy father;

come, and I will send thee unto them. 9 Haste ye, and go up to my father, and say unto him, Thus saith thy son Joseph, God hath made me lord of all Egypt: come down unto me, tarry not:

10 And thou shalt dwell in the land of Goshen, and thou shalt be near unto me, thou, and thy children, and thy children’s children, and thy flocks, and thy herds, and all that thou hast:

19 The sons of Rachel Jacob’s wife; Joseph, and Benjamin.

2 Gather yourselves together, and hear, ye sons of Jacob; and hearken unto Israel your father.

“We choose to go to the moon…”

Address by President John F. Kennedy at Rice University – September 12, 1962

Surely the opening vistas of space promise high costs and hardships, as well as high reward.

This country was conquered by those who moved forward–and so will space.

For space science, like nuclear science and all technology, has no conscience of its own.

There is no strife, no prejudice, no national conflict in outer space as yet.

We choose to go to the moon.

(interrupted by applause) the Mariner spacecraft now on its way to Venus is the most intricate instrument in the history of space science.

Space and related industries are generating new demands in investment and skilled personnel, and this city and this state, and this region, will share greatly in this growth.

Houston, (interrupted by applause) your city of Houston, with its Manned Spacecraft Center, will become the heart of a large scientific and engineering community.

This year’s space budget is three times what it was in January 1961, and it is greater than the space budget of the previous eight years combined.

Well, space is there, and we’re going to climb it, and the moon and the planets are there, and new hopes for knowledge and peace are there.

“Like a Rolling Stone”

by Bob Dylan

Once upon a time you dressed so fine
You threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn’t you?
How does it feel
How does it feel
To be without a home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?

How does it feel
How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?

How does it feel
How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?

Romeo and Juliet

by William Shakespeare

ROMEO

ROMEO

ROMEO

ROMEO

ROMEO

ROMEO

ROMEO

ROMEO

ROMEO

ROMEO

The Republic

by Plato

I replied.

I replied.

Right.

If you please.

Right, he replied.

Right, he replied.

Yes, if possible.

If you please.

What an extraordinary man!

If you please.

“The Contest” (Seinfeld episode)

by Larry David

GEORGE: ..JERRY: Yeah.

ELAINE: ..Elaine. JERRY: Alright.. JERRY: ..(Jerry and George. GEORGE: ..JERRY: Marla?

GEORGE: Kramer?!

“The Grand Inquisitor” (scene from The Brothers Karamazov)

by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Is it Thou?

What canst Thou say, indeed?

For Thou hast come to hinder us, and Thou knowest that.

Knowest Thou that?

Thou didst reply that man lives not by bread alone.

Behold what Thou didst further.

In that Thou wast right.

Thou didst desire man’s free love, that he should follow Thee freely, enticed and taken captive by Thee.

Thou didst Thyself lift up that banner.

The old man shuddered.

The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin

by Benjamin Franklin

Plutarch’s Lives there was in which I read abundantly, and I still think that time spent to great advantage. In a little time I made great proficiency in the business, and became a useful hand to my brother. In the mean time, Keimer’s credit and business declining daily, he was at last forc’d to sell his printing house to satisfy his creditors. Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.

bountiful Father! 8 }
9 } Work.
10 }
11 }

2 }
3 } Work.
4 }
5 }

[13] My acts in Morris’s time, military, etc.—[Marg. note.]

“Friends and Countrymen,

“Returned!

Chris Holmes

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