Yes, I’d Like the Rectal Rocket Fuel, Please

The world of hot sauce aficionados is a weird one, indeed.  While I can’t handle anything hotter than regular Tabasco Sauce, I would love to be one of those hot sauce people.  Why?  Because of the names.

Walk into any store or display case full of hot sauce and you’ll see some of the wackiest names for their wares.  They usually describe, in vivid detail, what will happen to you should you consume what’s inside the bottle – a certain truth in advertising that’s far too uncommon these days.  Case in point: here’s the sauce menu from a Mexican restaurant called Amigos, located in Australia of all places.

Amigos Mexican restaurant hot sauce menu

If I didn’t know any better I’d say this was a flyer from an S&M club of some kind.  Not that I would know what one of those looks like.

Amigos Mexican restaurant hot sauce menu

You know a place means business with its hot sauce when the disclaimers take up a quarter of the entire menu.  My favorite part is the first one under Terms and Conditions:

Due to the extremely hot nature of these products, I agree that they shall only be used as a food additive.

I’m not even going to explore what other uses these sauces could have besides food additive, but my mind keeps wandering back to the whole S&M thing.  So now that the legalese is out of the way, let’s take a peek at the goods.

Amigos Mexican restaurant hot sauce menu

Now this is an impressive selection.  Any menu that starts off with a product called Anal Angst is alright by me.  Here’s my personal top 10:

  1. Anal Angst
  2. Rectal Rocket Fuel
  3. Blairs Jersey Death Sauce (not sure if that’s a dig at my home state, but whatever)
  4. Baboon Ass Gone Wild
  5. Ass Reaper (I’m sensing a theme here)
  6. Butt Plug Relief
  7. Hot Bitch at the Beach
  8. Smack My Ass and Call Me Cindy
  9. Aussie Ringstinger
  10. 100% pain

Thanks to Kathy for passing along this gem.

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9 Comments

  • Yikes, that does sound intense. For the record, as far as spicy snacks go I can’t handle anything more intense than Andy Capp’s Hot Fries.

  • If you ever go to Peddlers Village there’s a nice little food shop there that carries a ton of hot sauces. And yes, almost all have ridiculous names and labels to go along with them.

    From my recollection, the Dave’s Insanity Sauce was good, but if that truly is a 10++ then the rest of them must be pretty weak. Although I haven’t had any of the Blairs, I can testify to the intensity of their other products.

  • If you ever go to Peddlers Village there’s a nice little food shop there that carries a ton of hot sauces. And yes, almost all have ridiculous names and labels to go along with them.

    From my recollection, the Dave’s Insanity Sauce was good, but if that truly is a 10++ then the rest of them must be pretty weak. Although I haven’t had any of the Blairs, I can testify to the intensity of their other products.

  • Kathy

    Hey, good to see the old Amigos menu- it really IS a classic isn’t it? I knew you’d like it when I brought it over to the states to show you. :)

    PS, thanks for the link to my website! :)

  • Kathy

    Hey, good to see the old Amigos menu- it really IS a classic isn’t it? I knew you’d like it when I brought it over to the states to show you. :)

    PS, thanks for the link to my website! :)

  • No Guatemalan Insanity Pepper sauce? Lightweights.

    The legal warnings are kind of like everything being called “professional grade” these days. “Look at those warnings, this must be some serious stuff,” even if it’s the same sauces you can get anywhere else.

    If I ever own a brewery, I think I’ll have a beer that requires a 3-day waiting period. Idiots will probably line up around the block for it.

  • No Guatemalan Insanity Pepper sauce? Lightweights.

    The legal warnings are kind of like everything being called “professional grade” these days. “Look at those warnings, this must be some serious stuff,” even if it’s the same sauces you can get anywhere else.

    If I ever own a brewery, I think I’ll have a beer that requires a 3-day waiting period. Idiots will probably line up around the block for it.

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